Insomnia

Been tossing and turning on the bed for the past 20 mins and I thought I'll pen down what's troubling me.

I don't know why, but I feel lost.
Its like I don't know what's happening but I don't feel what I'm supposed to be feeling.
I have no idea why too, maybe time is up?
Maybe its time for me to learn more abt myself, find out what I want
And how I can love myself before I love others.

Limit

I was wrong.

I thought I knew you. 

I thought i knew everything about you.

But I was wrong... and today you showed me another side of you.

Which, i'm not sure if i will be able to accept that side of you. 

When you question me and said those words.

Its the last that I can take.

I've reach my limit.

Reflections of LDR

Hi everyone!!!

Im back! Just ended my last exam today was it was TORTURES... 1 question have like three parts to it? and I genuinely fear for the teacher. I hope she likes marking otherwise I think she'll probably die from the amount of pages she has to mark.

I felt like blogging about my Long Distance Relationship as some of my friends have been asking how I manage to 'survive' for the past 4 months and thus I thought it would be good to blog about it. (btw this blog post was drafted on 8 may, and I was too lazy to continue till now)


Stage 1 of LDR
Well basically, when Jerome went to Taiwan for exchange, it felt quite normal. At least for the first 2 months i think? okay lah maybe the first week, we were bawling our eyes out every time we Skype.Even though Jerome bought this soft toy thing from craftholic for me to hug to sleep so that i'll always be reminded of him, it didnt work. It was kinda bad still...and it got better from the 2nd month I think? like that was when I was busy studying for miderms and Runners Club and life goes on as usual.

Stage 2 of LDR
This is when the fights come in... Quarrels start for no reason (okay lah sometimes, it is caused by me). It's like sometimes I will see pictures of Jerome traveling/eating good food/ having fun overseas. I did felt a little sad. Its like I feel a bit left out I think? I felt really down that I was not able to share these experiences with him. Its almost like, i felt that he has forgotten about me...Yea, so we started to quarrel unnecessarily.  skype calls and messages also became less frequent (his claim was that he needed to enjoy his time there and he didnt want to be using the phone too much) - which kind of make sense, but it felt horrible! Like on some days we only got to message a few times a day, and its mostly the same convo that keeps repeating.. "hows yr day" "what did u eat for lunch" "are you gonna sleep soon".
SO BORING RIGHT!!! So one day, I mustered the courage and I told him that our relationship is getting boring...like we need to spice it up or make it exciting again...LOL then he told me that I was thinking too much, and I was like looking for trouble again.

Stage 3 of LDR
HAHAHA this is the most frightening stage of LDR i think....I became CLINGYYYYY. LOL can't believe whats happening to me.To be honest, I used to be quite independent, at least at the initial stages of our relationship. At that time, I can even not meet for weeks and be okay with it, and Jerome even have to come up with this "rule" that we need to meet at least once a week. LOL and look at me now, I became so clingy that i must skype Jerome everynight before I sleep. Oh and this started during or after the exam period..It was quite depressing as I stayed in hall almost everyday, and if I do go home, its only once a week or once every 2 weeks, and I would go home on a saturday and come back on sunday. SAD LIFE. Needless to say, I got homesick, and I would cry once I'm back in hall, and my only comfort was skyping Jerome. HAHA cause he would remind me that he also misses his family and that Its okay to be alone etc etc. Initially I thought the clingy thing was only a phase and that It would go away once exams ended and when I finally move out of hall. but NO, it stayed on, and i'm still clingy...constantly telling jerome that he needs to message me and skype me more often. HAHA and it got so bad that we just quarreled yesterday. But thank goodness Jerome, as he always is, patient enough to explain his woes to me, why he cant message as much as he is either in class/out/traveling.
Yea, so if you gusy have any tips on how to stop being clingy, pls do share with me. HAHA its not like a condition right? I really do hope its just an LDR phase that I'm going through now. Its been 4 months since Jerome left for Taiwan and I guess I'm more or less used to it now,but its just that sometimes I will really really miss him..and I'll get pretty upset when he cant skype me:( hahah yes, im an overly attached gf.

Oh!!! and did I mention? I'm doing my Internship now. It's an advertising agency and its been 2 weeks that I've been there? Can't exactly say that I like it there because of the work culture. Its like everyone works till really late and there isnt much of a work life balance. Futhermore, i think im more towards the people handling or sales part? I think I'll be more motivated to work, if theres commission involved? But oh wells, I definitely learnt ALOT about the work culture and the term "survival of the fittest". Alright, thats all for now, I'll catch up with you guys soon as I have to drag myself to work tmr.


xoxo
pattie

LDR

well....I would be kidding if i tell you that my LDR relationship have been smooth all the time

Indeed there are happy times, happy when you can finally skype, happy when you see how the other party is having fun and enjoying themselves.


But things are not so smooth and happy all the time....
There are times when you see all those beautiful pictures and food that he has posted, and you cant help but feel a little left out? Its like you feel sad that you cant be there...

There are times when something exciting or something bad happen in your day, but you just can't tell your partner because somehow he/she might be traveling and there isnt data connection.

There are times when you're surrounded by couples and you cant help but feel a little lonely and wish that your partner will come back soon.

There are times when LDR can be draining when you skype till 2-3am everyday and you struggle to wake up for morning classes tmr

There are times when you miss the person so much ,you just wanna go over and hug them...but oh, you forgot that what you're seeing in front of you is all but a virtual screen. Even when you wanna reach out to him, you can't. Maybe the only place you can reach out to him is in your dreams.


No amt of virtual chat sessions can replace the real hugs and face to face chat sessions.

and here I am, wondering how long it would be, before someone get use to LDR.

Can someone actually get used to LDR?? Like maybe after a long period of time, will someone grow to like a virtual boyfriend instead?

Well, If you ever see those perfect LDR stories on tumbler or thought catalog....let me tell you this
They are LYING.... LDR is not as easy or as blissful as how it looks like on the internet...but i know maybe if you put in enough hard work, It'll work.

Can't sleep, and I'm deeply disturbed by the negative effects of LDR

Food Poisoning

I got to know of a SHOCKING NEWS today....

I cant reveal what the news are...but I was really shocked when i got to know of it...so shocked that i think i went into zone out stage for like a good one minute before i returned to reality.

And another thing, I had severe food poisoning today/stomach flu.

This is what happened...

8.30am - bought a pack of 6 milo from the supermarket in NTU (GIant)

1.30pm - started to have bile in my mouth...and i felt like puking..like those sudden churning in the stomach that you cant control? yea and I ran out of class and manage to reach the toilet in time to puke. Next, the diarrhea began to kick in, and I cant leave the toilet, like every minute that i leave the toilet, it felt like i was gonna shit in my pants (haha)

So i went to the doctor and he prescribed me some medication and I was so weak,i couldnt leave the clinic. 

Ended up sleeping in the clinic for awhile before i gathered all my strength and crawl back to hall

9pm - Mum and Dad came to visit me and bought fish porridge for me (cause i had no energy to walk downstairs to buy food (i needed the toilet every min)

Hahaha and whats funny is that they left me pampers...told me to wear it in case i soil the bed at night 

and yea! i just woke up from a long nap, and practically wasted my time away..and im mugging for my midterm on wed

Also, i did a bit of reflection....

like people's life can change any min,anywhere,anyday..

You can breakup

You can lose your loved ones

you can contact a disease or illness

You can get pregnant

You can become another person

You can lose everything overnight

you cant predict what will happen to you the next min/next day/next year,

but you can prevent or change the way you want to live your life.

Dont do things you will regret.. for example lazing today will cost you that grade you need in your degree audit to get your dream job in future. Without that dream job, you might miss knowing yr future husband to be, our whole life can change from a reasonably comfortable and rich future to a struggling household who quarrels over financials overnight..

You decide your future, so plan your life wisely 

Love,pat

Pineapple tarts

hey yall!!!

Im back!

I was a little emotional earlier on...and thinking about it, it was kinda silly actually.

I was feeling emo the whole night because Jerome commented that my pineapple tarts wasn't nice.

As you all know, I've sent some pineapple tarts and new year goodies to Taiwan as Jerome felt that the goodies in Taiwan aren't as nice as the ones we have in Singapore (which is like totally nonsensical) ...doesnt pineapple tarts and love letters taste the same everywhere??? Like they all use the same ingredients and its the same method of cooking it??

Yea and to be honest, that box of Pineapple tart was my FAVOURITE... and Its the only thing i'll eat for CNY and i can eat for years and not get sick of it. I bought this box of tarts like afew days after cny  (its a shop in Toa Payoh) and I fell in love w it, after the bakery had a roadshow in tpy central and i went to try out the samples they had put out. and i fell in love with it after that...If that is not love at first sight, i dont know what is...

And back to the topic, i went to get it,and because it was so popular,there was only 1 box of pineapple tart left..cause the others were reserved. After I bought it, to be honest i comtemplated if i should keep n eat it,while i buy another box from bengawan solo (donno if the spelling correct) to give to Jerome. BUT....after much hesitation, i decided to only give Jerome THE BEST.. somemore shipping costs are so ex... If wanna ship, of cos must ship more ex and more good stuff,if not waste my money ma (which btw, in the end Jerome' friend's mum happen to be shipping stuff to taiwan too, so she offered to help me ship them) ....

So you can imagine how sad i felt when he told me that the pineapple tarts suck :'(

Yea so basically, i couldnt get it off my chest so i decided to blog abt it...

Sorry if my blog also sound so negative or sad...HAHA thats because i only blog when i have something to rant..

Anyways, for those of yall who wanna know abt my how my LDR is doing??

well, its going well:) but sometimes i dont deny, i do miss him alot..but i guess, if you can get through an LDR..theres basically nothing else to be afraid of. (Maybe i'll do a blog post on how to avoid quarrels in an LDR)

oh and....you know how sometimes,you wanna express how u feel, but u cant say it to the person??

yea, Jerome doesnt read my blog...so i guess he'll probably not know how i feel abt those tarts...MY passion for pineapple tarts HAHA!

thanks for listening!

love pattie

stress

I wont deny.....

I dont take stress well...

Being swarmed with work now isnt really making my recess week better

I feel so breathless..

Think I really need to go for some stress management classes

Otherwise i think i'll probably get high blood pressure in future


Sigh...