I wont deny.....
I dont take stress well...
Being swarmed with work now isnt really making my recess week better
I feel so breathless..
Think I really need to go for some stress management classes
Otherwise i think i'll probably get high blood pressure in future
Sigh...
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Monday, March 2, 2015
1 month of LDR
Its been a month since jerome left for taiwan exchange and many of my friends have been asking how im coping the the ldr so far.
To be honest, there are some times when you feel lonely...or bored? Like there is no one to accompany you to cafes or trampoline parks or movies anymore. No one to jio for an impromptu supper etc.
while many people adviced that we can always turn to our friends embark these activities with. However maybe im different or whatsoever, I prefer to keep these positions special? Like I dont know how to put it but I prefer to wait till jerome is back to watxh a certain movie for example. Isit weird??? Haha like there are certain kind of movies that I'll save just to watch it with him when he's back.
On the topic of void...
yes the void only gets bigger n bigger as the days goes by. Ldr is indeed not as easy as some say it is..but it is not as hard either..
Initially I was very positive abt the ldr..thinking tt ive never tried being away from someone this long before..and I also wanted to use this opportunity to see if our relationship is strong enough to overcome the obstacles....
And then I realised. In an ldr, its more of a give n take relationship..on some days I might be moody and he would have to give in to me and reassure me. On other days, he might be the one who needs to retreat and have his own space, and I need to be understanding on my part too.
Its not so much of the cheating aspect here ( at least in our relationship) cause we are rock solid in terms of trust.
Yea, so our biggest problems are probably loneliness bah...like we are quite sticky n we used to meet thrice a week? Or more...so its kind of a culture shock to go w/o seeing each other for 5 months or more.
But I guess, if you can survive an Ldr then almost nothing will be more than this...
And for now, I can only wish the day of his return to come faster.
I miss you loadsssss
Love pattiee
To be honest, there are some times when you feel lonely...or bored? Like there is no one to accompany you to cafes or trampoline parks or movies anymore. No one to jio for an impromptu supper etc.
while many people adviced that we can always turn to our friends embark these activities with. However maybe im different or whatsoever, I prefer to keep these positions special? Like I dont know how to put it but I prefer to wait till jerome is back to watxh a certain movie for example. Isit weird??? Haha like there are certain kind of movies that I'll save just to watch it with him when he's back.
On the topic of void...
yes the void only gets bigger n bigger as the days goes by. Ldr is indeed not as easy as some say it is..but it is not as hard either..
Initially I was very positive abt the ldr..thinking tt ive never tried being away from someone this long before..and I also wanted to use this opportunity to see if our relationship is strong enough to overcome the obstacles....
And then I realised. In an ldr, its more of a give n take relationship..on some days I might be moody and he would have to give in to me and reassure me. On other days, he might be the one who needs to retreat and have his own space, and I need to be understanding on my part too.
Its not so much of the cheating aspect here ( at least in our relationship) cause we are rock solid in terms of trust.
Yea, so our biggest problems are probably loneliness bah...like we are quite sticky n we used to meet thrice a week? Or more...so its kind of a culture shock to go w/o seeing each other for 5 months or more.
But I guess, if you can survive an Ldr then almost nothing will be more than this...
And for now, I can only wish the day of his return to come faster.
I miss you loadsssss
Love pattiee
Sunday, February 15, 2015
80 weeks ago
I asked myself this question
What was I doing 80 weeks ago? How was life back then as compared to now...
So I did a little back tracking, and stalk a little of my instagram account, and it all came back to me.
80 weeks ago, I was that immature wild girl that was clubbing thrice a week, earning a good 3k a month from my holiday job and it was almost everynight that I went home past 12. On some days, maybe drunk?
You see, I was first introduced to the clubbing scene when I was fresh out of A levels, with a lot of time to spare. No commitments back then, and me being a curious kid, decided to try out the clubbing culture...
Not long after that, I realised that I was enjoying every clubbing trip more n more....and it became so addictive that it feels weird if I ever miss one session of clubbing.
Its only till 2 years later That I realised that I wasted my youth drinking away..I wasted tons of money on alcohol, late night cab fees, and entrance fee for clubs.
I realised that the actions I do in the past determines who I am now...and that I am the beholder of my future...I determine my own grades and I'll shape the life that I want.
Clubbing may be fun, but when you grow up, you'll realised that it is a more extreme form of entertainment for those people who use alcohol and partying to numb or forget their problems.
Love,pat
What was I doing 80 weeks ago? How was life back then as compared to now...
So I did a little back tracking, and stalk a little of my instagram account, and it all came back to me.
80 weeks ago, I was that immature wild girl that was clubbing thrice a week, earning a good 3k a month from my holiday job and it was almost everynight that I went home past 12. On some days, maybe drunk?
You see, I was first introduced to the clubbing scene when I was fresh out of A levels, with a lot of time to spare. No commitments back then, and me being a curious kid, decided to try out the clubbing culture...
Not long after that, I realised that I was enjoying every clubbing trip more n more....and it became so addictive that it feels weird if I ever miss one session of clubbing.
Its only till 2 years later That I realised that I wasted my youth drinking away..I wasted tons of money on alcohol, late night cab fees, and entrance fee for clubs.
I realised that the actions I do in the past determines who I am now...and that I am the beholder of my future...I determine my own grades and I'll shape the life that I want.
Clubbing may be fun, but when you grow up, you'll realised that it is a more extreme form of entertainment for those people who use alcohol and partying to numb or forget their problems.
Love,pat
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
LDR
Its been.....3 days since jerome left for exchange
Cant help but feel a bit of a void yea? From spending
almost everyday together to being so far apart now.....
Sometimes, even technology cant save the void...
Its something like being single? But yet, youre not
exactly that either. Really admire and understand
how couples felt when theyre in an ldr. Its not always
everyday that you can skype your love one, especially
when theyre located away from town and theres no
wifi or internet nearby.
Well I guess although ldr have its downs, it definitely
have its ups as well. They always say distance makes
the heart grows fonder right?? Well I guess this is one
bright side to look forward to!
Xoxo
pat
Cant help but feel a bit of a void yea? From spending
almost everyday together to being so far apart now.....
Sometimes, even technology cant save the void...
Its something like being single? But yet, youre not
exactly that either. Really admire and understand
how couples felt when theyre in an ldr. Its not always
everyday that you can skype your love one, especially
when theyre located away from town and theres no
wifi or internet nearby.
Well I guess although ldr have its downs, it definitely
have its ups as well. They always say distance makes
the heart grows fonder right?? Well I guess this is one
bright side to look forward to!
Xoxo
pat
Sunday, January 18, 2015
13 days to exchange
As the days pass by, I realised that jerome's departure for exchange is getting nearer and nearer...I begin to panic as I realised that I will no longer have that much time to spend with him.
I think I even went to the extent of being a little possesive, squeezing every possible free time from him to spend together.
Negative thoughts about exchange also starts to set in, how will our LDR be like? Will we struggle through this journey? Furthermore I might be going for exchange in year 3 sem 1, meaning that the both of us will be apart for about a year. Thats when the real fear sets in and I get sleepless nights these days wondering if the relationship is strong enough to withstand the 1 year apart. Will we get use to living apart for one entire year? What will happen suring this one year apart?
Despite Jerome's constant reassurance that things wont be as bad as it looks, I cant help but worry...with each worry engaging more petty quarrels between us.
That was when I realised that Ive been overthinking and paranoid. Each time, I fail to think of the numerous good things that Jerome has done for me and instead I only focus on looking at the negative side of him. Reflecting upon it now, I realized that ive got to be more independent and positive. I have to believe in myself and most importantly believe in him,that we will get through this together.Believe that the exchange is actually beneficial to our relationship and it will only make us stronger.
Despite all my negativity abt his exchange, jerome has never once blamed me for it....Instead he was the one with the bigger heart to blame it on himself for going on exchange. ( which is kinda ridiculous)
Seeing how narrow minded I am, it really made me thankful for having Jerome in my life....he is one of the most forgiving and easy going person ive ever met.
Always changing his plans and accommodating to me as I am always late for dates, from my endless whining and making him stay up late just to listen to my daily rambles and end up wasting his breath as i often end up not following his advices. Always puting me as his first priority and always offering to send me to school cause he didnt want me to take the long route to school. Always trying to calm me down or cheer me up after a bad day at work or school, and always trying to include me in his social circles as much as possible.
I know I'll miss you dearly when you're away for exchange. But on the bright side, theres 2 more weeks to goooo!!! Can't wait for our peterpan musical tmr!!
( haha and yes we're gg for it) *fingers crossed* that it will be good:)
Thanks for listening to my daily ramblings
With love,
pattie
I think I even went to the extent of being a little possesive, squeezing every possible free time from him to spend together.
Negative thoughts about exchange also starts to set in, how will our LDR be like? Will we struggle through this journey? Furthermore I might be going for exchange in year 3 sem 1, meaning that the both of us will be apart for about a year. Thats when the real fear sets in and I get sleepless nights these days wondering if the relationship is strong enough to withstand the 1 year apart. Will we get use to living apart for one entire year? What will happen suring this one year apart?
Despite Jerome's constant reassurance that things wont be as bad as it looks, I cant help but worry...with each worry engaging more petty quarrels between us.
That was when I realised that Ive been overthinking and paranoid. Each time, I fail to think of the numerous good things that Jerome has done for me and instead I only focus on looking at the negative side of him. Reflecting upon it now, I realized that ive got to be more independent and positive. I have to believe in myself and most importantly believe in him,that we will get through this together.Believe that the exchange is actually beneficial to our relationship and it will only make us stronger.
Despite all my negativity abt his exchange, jerome has never once blamed me for it....Instead he was the one with the bigger heart to blame it on himself for going on exchange. ( which is kinda ridiculous)
Seeing how narrow minded I am, it really made me thankful for having Jerome in my life....he is one of the most forgiving and easy going person ive ever met.
Always changing his plans and accommodating to me as I am always late for dates, from my endless whining and making him stay up late just to listen to my daily rambles and end up wasting his breath as i often end up not following his advices. Always puting me as his first priority and always offering to send me to school cause he didnt want me to take the long route to school. Always trying to calm me down or cheer me up after a bad day at work or school, and always trying to include me in his social circles as much as possible.
I know I'll miss you dearly when you're away for exchange. But on the bright side, theres 2 more weeks to goooo!!! Can't wait for our peterpan musical tmr!!
( haha and yes we're gg for it) *fingers crossed* that it will be good:)
Thanks for listening to my daily ramblings
With love,
pattie
Thursday, January 1, 2015
What is love? What is lust? How do you know if you like the person a lot? or you really love him?
Its easy to love people (if you do not have a picky criteria). So what makes you think that you love the person, or are you just reliant on that person.
If that person no longer offer you any benefit or source of companion, will you still love the person?
If that person can no longer afford you the things you want, would you still be with him?
Why are people so easily replaced? breakups, divorces, broken friendships
If only people can love each other like how my dog loves me
No Judgement
No Arguments
No Sadness
No Fights
Only those puppy eyes waiting for me to eagerly embrace her when im home from school
Only those playful licks when she wants me to play with her
Its not hard to get a dog's attention, but its hard to get people's attention.
and most likely, they'll only give it to you when they want/need something.
Exactly how I felt today - USED
Its easy to love people (if you do not have a picky criteria). So what makes you think that you love the person, or are you just reliant on that person.
If that person no longer offer you any benefit or source of companion, will you still love the person?
If that person can no longer afford you the things you want, would you still be with him?
Why are people so easily replaced? breakups, divorces, broken friendships
If only people can love each other like how my dog loves me
No Judgement
No Arguments
No Sadness
No Fights
Only those puppy eyes waiting for me to eagerly embrace her when im home from school
Only those playful licks when she wants me to play with her
Its not hard to get a dog's attention, but its hard to get people's attention.
and most likely, they'll only give it to you when they want/need something.
Exactly how I felt today - USED
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Reflections
Its not exactly a good feeling, to see people rejoicing while youre in agony.
I experienced that first hand the other day. Even though he probably didnt mean it, and I know I shouldnt mind too, but I just cant help but feel lost and helpess and not to mention useless too.
Maybe what I fear has finally been confirmed, maybe im just being selfish and maybe im only concern with my own happiness.
But I know that I should be happy.Cause if he is happy,then im probably happier too.Maybe I just need to grow up, to learn to be okay being by myself...
I should live for myself and pursue all the things ive dream of. In life, we gain some and lose some, but im always afraid of losing, and maybe that might be the reason why im always sticking to the safe side instead of embracing who I truly wanna be.
This year's New Year is extremely meaningful for me because I believe that 2015 have alot more to offer and alot more lessons to learn from as well. A year older and maybe,hopefully more mature too
With love,
pat
I experienced that first hand the other day. Even though he probably didnt mean it, and I know I shouldnt mind too, but I just cant help but feel lost and helpess and not to mention useless too.
Maybe what I fear has finally been confirmed, maybe im just being selfish and maybe im only concern with my own happiness.
But I know that I should be happy.Cause if he is happy,then im probably happier too.Maybe I just need to grow up, to learn to be okay being by myself...
I should live for myself and pursue all the things ive dream of. In life, we gain some and lose some, but im always afraid of losing, and maybe that might be the reason why im always sticking to the safe side instead of embracing who I truly wanna be.
This year's New Year is extremely meaningful for me because I believe that 2015 have alot more to offer and alot more lessons to learn from as well. A year older and maybe,hopefully more mature too
With love,
pat
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)